Lonely without the world

I'm so fucking depressed. Why do I still love this fucking player who never even sees me anymore. I really like this new guy, but he is well, already got a life of his own. I'm so fucking sick of pimps and players, they are what ruin girls who are perfectly fucking fine. I am afraid to fall asleep every night, I worry bc I don't have a man these days and I don't have one who will be serious enough to make a life with me. I guess I'm safe. It just sucks when I've lived so fast since I was a child I've had to do everything grown up like and I'm just already dying and energy less from all the shit that I been through. I hate hating. I don't know what to do. Expressing myself again is a good start. I really like this guy, but I hope  I'm not too like, idk, young and stupid? I'm a grown woman but I feel like a kid stuck with this adult life, don't we all. . I try and keep talking to people and social interactions  at a minimum. I hate dealing with people. I just freak when I am around people for the most part. Blah blah blah. . . Well I'm  gonna wish that my new guy was here but he doesn't know that and I'm not trying to say who it is. Night internets.

hey

I'm so tired